The adventures of Bella and Edward
by CutiePie007
Summary: Edward, Bella, what can ya do? they will keep you guessing til the end
1. Chapter 1

-1(A/N: My first fan fic please review! )

Chapter Uno

The Disappearing cow

There once was a land , far far away, some people called it the united states of America. With in that county there was a state, Washington. And in that state Washington, there was a town , called Forks, and in that town was well….Chaos.

"Bella look!" Edward called as he looked through the toy-stores front mirror. "This my dear is what I want for Christmas!" (a/n: What is it? what is it??) Bella looked in and gave an excited screech, it was the one and only, it was the brand new platinum CORNDOG. (it came along with an additional apple free of charge.) Now for a cheep cheep price of $440!

"Edward if I get the corndog for you you have to promise you will take good care of it, this is a big responsibility and you have to understand that. Also, you have to promise me you will share. Do you agree to these terms?" Edward nodded his head up and down wildly. "LOOK, A COW!!" Bella screamed. Edward turned around and began looking for the cow, I mean how hard was it to spot a cow, they like don't fit in! Edward was on the other side of town when Bella got out from inside the store (which had the Brand new platinum corndog of course,) Edward was no where to be seen. Quickly she grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket and pressed 1 (Edwards speed dial number) "Where are you? I just left for a minute and all I said was there's a cow"

"well I didn't see the cow so I decided to go and look for it because my eyes are in tip top shape and you can't see anything I cant see better!"

"that's because there was no cow Mr. Gullible jeez, you would think you would learn, I have pulled that stunt five times, This week! Oh well can you please come and pick me up its cold out here. !" In just a split second Edward was there "Traffics a mad-house out there. I can't believe its already Christmas break! This is going to be the best Christmas ever, it's the first one I have ever had with you. "

"Awww you are so cute, you make me wanna eat you up" Bella whispered as she leaned in to give him a passionate kiss.

Edward leaned out to take a breath, "so what do you want for you Christmas gift this year?"

"Well," Bella answered "I'm getting bored with the whole good girl look, I'm thinking maybe we should go with a whole new different look, like an Avril Levine meets Paris Hilton sort of thing, so I guess what im saying is that all in all I want you to buy me a whole new wardrobe."

A/N; how will Edward do on the whole buying clothes thing? You will just have to wait and see!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Purple Hamburger.

"Look what I got you" Edward shouted.

"Oh crap what now?" Bella sighed, he had already given her a sausage link, a piece of moldy cheese and a bottle of ketchup. The ketchup wasn't so bad.

"A COW"

"HOLY CRAP," Bella screamed as she looked to Edwards hands. It was beautiful, and it was purple! "Why is it purple" Bella thought out loud.

"DUUUHH, because the momma cow was Blue and the Daddy cow was red.

"Cows aren't Blue and red you idiot, they are ORANGE!" Bella said, and she actually sounded like she knew what she was talking about.

"Oh," he had a confused look on his face. "what should we name her?"

"AND HOW DO YOU KNOW IT IS A HER?"

"Bella," sometimes I wonder about you because everyone knows that ALL purple cows are girls, DUHHH"

"Well then, Lets call her...I KNOW I GOT IT., purple hamburger!!!!!!!" All Bella could do was grin at her smartical brain.

"I have another surprise for you schnookums"

"WHAT?!? WHAT?!?" Bella was now screeching.

Edward was gone, and back in a flash. "SPEEDOS," to ride around town in while we are on purple hamburger.!" "YAAYY" they screeched together as the danced a happy dance.

**_ONE HOUR LATER..._**

"Mr. Police-Blue-badge-cool car-man, please don't arrest us, we didn't mean any thing by the Speedos, eating all those hot-dogs at the hot-dog stand and..."Edward pleaded.

"No, don't you plead with me. you are going to ONE MINNUTE JAIL dun-dun-dun (yes he really did say dun-dun-dun) he replied harshly.

_**One Minute Later...**_

"Now that that is done with, sir i think i must take your cow."

"NOOO NOT PURPLE HAMBURGER!" Bella screeched as she reached for her beloved purple cow, but she was too late.

"Bella I'll get you a new cow" Edward informed her not the least bit sad.

"Okay," Bella sniffed, "BUT THIS TIME I WANT A CHICKEN!"

**A/N///**how will Bella do with a chicken, and what about the new wardrobe?? how will it all turn out?? READ ON! **//End not/**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey guys! Well, here is Chapter 3. Review!

Allie 3

Blonde

Bella and Edward skipped arm in arm to the beauty salon.

"I'm going blo-onde!" sang Bella, "I'm going blo-onde!" The shop owner grimaced when he saw the couple coming. It was going to be a long afternoon.

"Hello Mr. Mustache Guy!" Bella said, "I'm going BLONDE!" He rolled his eyes.

"Sit down, please," She plopped into the chair.

"Edward, you should get an afro!" Edward nodded.

"I like that idea…" The beauticians began to work their magic and before they knew it, Bella and Edward were new people. Bella had achieved the Avril Lavigne meets Paris Hilton look and Edward was a child of the '70's with his sweet 'fro.

"Hugs!" cried Bella, and grabbed the shop owner into her arms. "Love the hair! Be back soon! Toodles!" The man sighed and pushed away from her.

"Kids" he muttered under his breath. Bella laughed a tinkling laugh and pranced out the door with Edward in her wake.

"He's a silly little man," she giggled.

"Si Si," Edward agreed. They walked back to the Cullen's house. Upstairs in Edward's room, Alice was currently trying on Bella new clothes.

"They're so pretty…" she breathed. "I wish I had clothes like this. Edward likes Bella more than me!" She began to sob. Edward tuned into her thoughts.

"EWWWW! ALICE LIKES ME! GIRL GERMS!" He screeched. Bella frowned.

"I'm a girl too! What did you think I was? Chopped liver???" Edward laughed.

"You're different, but not chopped liver!" He shuddered.

"Well that's good to know!" Bella huffed. By that time, they had reached Edward's room. Alice stood in the middle, dressed in skater shoes and a sequiny dress on.

"Hi guys!" she chirped, "Bella, do you like your clothes? I think that they are totally Paris meets Avril. Edward did a good job."

"He sure did," Bella agreed, "They are pretty sweet." Edward bowed, his afro bobbing.

"Wanna try them on?" he said with an impish grin. Bella pushed him out the door.

"Get out sicko" He backed out.

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving"

"Better be" And with that, she slammed the door.


	4. Authors note!

-1Authers note!

If you guys havent figured out yet, each chapter had a little bit of a different writing style! This is because me and a couple friends are writing a story, but like I wrote chapter one, Kate wrote chapter two and Alexa over there just wrote chapter three! Next its Lizas turn, please review and tell us what you think of our idea!

Abbi 3


	5. Chapter 5

-1CHAPTER FOUR MY FRIENDS

Bella and Edward decided to take a night on the town. Edward took Bella to a fancey restarant called the "saucy apple" As they sat down at their table to people walked up to them

"OHH MY GOSH" one said,

"ITS PAIRS HILTON"the other piped in.

"NOO WAY THAT IS SOOOO AVRIL LAVIGNE!!"

"NOO TOATTLY PAIRS…" Then out of no where this paparazzi man came up and snapped a photo.  
"Well," Bella said "this is disturbing. HOW AM I SAPOSED TO EAT IN PIECE WITH ALL THIS MADDNESS?"

Edward had just about had it. "YOU GUYS THIS IS BELLA NOT PARIS OR AVRIL"

"okay…"every one said collectively as they walked away.

"Thanks hunny bunches" Bella said as she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Out of no where a waiter popped up "Now what can I get you folks?"

"I'll have a raspberry lemonade" Edward Informed the waiter.

"Ohh we don't have that." the waiter shot back.

"hmmmmm, how about a Red Bull?"

"Nope we don't have that either" once again he replied in a snotty tone.

"Cherry 7up?"

"nope"

"Water???"

"UHHHHHH… no"

"WHAT KIND OF RESTAURANT IS THIs?" Edward outburst.ed.

"He will have apple juice" Bella told the waiter.

"Now that we have"

"And ill have sparkaling apple-pear juice."

"Okay ill be back with your drinks in a moment" The waiter went back to get drinks, but when he got back he spilled apple juice ALL OVER EDWARDS B-E-A-UTIFUL FRO.

"What have you done?" Edward asked in both shock, pain and surprise.

"Oopseys,(he started to giggle) ahem I mean, my bad."

"Edwards fro was now starting to dissapear. "WHAT IS IN THAT APPLE JUICE???" Bella asked and Edward started screaming.

"Well ya know, we do add a little bit of Acid, you know, it gives it that ZIP, PING POW, we are always lookin' for"

"YOU put what in my super awesome fro?" Edward belted out (now there was not one pair of eyeballs that were not on him and his fro, well I mean there was that one couple in the back room.. BACK TO THE POINT)

Another waitress brought over a pitcher of water and poured it over his hair.

"So you do have water you scum filled liars!'

"well we didn't before"

**A/n/// **What will Edwards hair lookkk like with no fro? And what will they do next in town, also when the poperatzzi man took Bellas picture, what did he do with it? READ ON MY FRIENDS!///end note/


	6. chapter six

-1Chapter five

_Anyways. Chapter five s entitled the simile chapter I really do not know where I got the inspiration for this one. It just popped in my head like a kangaroo hopps into town!!! (this chapter might be a little bit corny) HAHA I like it . Kay? Kay. Agreed. _

By this time Edward and Bella were beyond mad. They were like steaming with smoke escaping from any where there was o hole in their bodies. (yes this includes ears, eyes, behinds, and allot of other places) Edward stomped out of that restaurant and was so angry the drop of a nickel set him off like a fire alarm.

"We have to do something about your hair hunny bunches your hair looks worse then Donald trumps. We have to get you to a hair salon faster then a rabbit on ice skates. Because you hair looks really really bad." Bella informed Edward as nicely as she knew how.

"I KNOW A DEAD COW LOOKS MORE TAIMED THEN MY HAIR BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SOO MEAN ABOUT IT. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME." As Edward said this he started to cry. Bella had been crying since the moment she heard cow. All she could think about was purple hamburger. Suddenly she was screaming at Edward, and other random people on the street about why they had been sooo mean too Purple hamburger. Didn't they know she had been royalty, and why had no one bow down to her/. Now she was gone. Or was she????? An idea had popped into Bella's head, let me mind you it was a crazy idea. But it was going to work. Work like the titanic (A/n: those were Bella's thoughts I don't think she knew what the titanic was…) "Edward we have to get you to the hair Dresser you are going need to hurry, like a shark going to chatch its prey. And if ya know what I mean"

"I really don't know what you Mean,"

"well you should you retard now we gotta hurry. Plan G.P.B. is not going to work with out this new dew." Bella said as she pushed him into the one and only Animal house hair-dresser. And shoved him into a chicken shaped chair.

A man with a gay little attitude walked up "My name is like Austen and like I just cant wait to get like started with like your hair!!!!, what would you like to be transformed into today my little friend, OHHH your kind of cute!"

"He's taken and he would like to be transformed to a cow. A red one if you could." Bella interrupted.

"and do I have any say in this??? You do know that purple cows are attracted to red cows right???? OHHHHH this is all about purple hamburger isn't it? I see you want get her back."

"that's a great idea! I was just going to make you a red cow so that a purple cow would come, then they would make a duck!!"

"wait" Drake budded in. "are you telling my that a red cow and a purple cow make a duck?"

"yapp. Only if you get a boy one and a girl one though" Bella replied.

"Whatever. Do you like want to sit down cutie?" Edward rolled his eyes, and toke his place.

_**One hour later**_

"you really look like a red cow. You've got more red then the sun has heat." you see Edward was not very happy with his new "dew" he really looked like a cow.

Out of no where a police man came from no where, unfortunately it was the same police man as before, and this was not a pretty sight.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THAT PURPLE DANG NABIT COW, AND WHAT DO YOU DO?? YOU GO AND GET ANOTHER RED ONE, WELL THIS IS NOT GOING TO FLY WITH ME MISSY. NOO WAY. YOU ARE GOING BACK TO ONE MINNUTE JAIL. THEN I AM GOING TO CONSFINCATE YOUR COW, AND PUT HIM WITH YOUR PURPLE ONE, WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.'

"nooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Bella screamed as the police man dragged her away to one minute jail yet again. "this is going to put a MAJOR dent in my time. And will I ever see Edward again??"

(A/N: will Bella ever see Edward again? Where is the special place where the sun don't shine??)

_**One minute later. (dun dun dun)**_

The guards, (fully armed with guns) Slowly let Bella out of jail and informed her that next time she got caught she would be going to one hour jail. No more kiddy games.

"But where is my cow???"

"Don't you worry he is in the north pole, it is really cloudy up there. There fore, the sun don't shine"

"I need to get there as soon as possible!" Bella yelled at the guard

"Well the next flight is in an hour…"

"that's not fast enough, I will just go there on foot." and with that bella walked off.

(A/N well that my friend is the end of the simile chapter I guess it didn't have very many similes but its ok, well what will happen on the way to the north pole and what about when Bellas gets to see Edward and Purple hamburger again!!)


End file.
